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May. 22, 2008
COOK'S FIRST SINGLE
It hasn't even been 24 hours since David Cook won American Idol and they're already trying to fuck up his life. Above is the cover of Cook's new single (that they're making him sing) Time of My Life.
They should rename it Time of My Life in Prison, because the cover looks like a god damn mugshot. All the millions of dollars that he made for them and the cheap bastards use a used 1982 MacIntosh computer to make his first cover. Nice.
May. 22, 2008
TRANNY MCDONALDS
I saw this once when I was driving thru Compton Blvd. at 2 a.m. and I had the munchies so I stopped at McDonalds.
Fantastic Burrito showed up at last nights Idol finale dressed like the Ronald McDonald and KFC Colonel bastard child. She didn't perform again...thank god.
They should've made David Archuletta's dad sit next to her Ronald McDonald tranny ass during the finale until he apologized for being an asshole.
May. 22, 2008
AMERICAN IDOL REWIND
In case you missed it...
May. 21, 2008
COOK WINS
The rocker, David Cook, took home the American Idol title. How shitty is that. He'll be relegated to using that great rocker voice to sing teeny bopper songs for 13-yr old slumber party night like Bo Bice did.
He also got an apology from Simon Cowell for his rude comments. What the hell... fuck the Idol win, Cowell apologized on national T.V. for being a dick? That's the sweetest victory.
I'd be setting that apology up as my ring tone for the next 83 years. I'm still waiting for an Idol contestant to sing "Fuck You, I won't do what you tell me!" by Rage Against The Machine....No one's checking the Idol suggestion box damn it!
Congrats to David Cook.
May. 21, 2008
DAVID COOK: STILL HAVENT FOUND
Jun. 10, 2008
DAVID COOK: ROLLING STONES
American Idol winner, David Cook will be featured in the June 26th issue of Rolling Stones Magazine. In the interview Cook wants his fans to know that he is his own man.
“The overnight thing is nice and romantic,” David tells Rolling Stone. “But in this particular instance, it’s not the case.” “I don’t want to make a Chris Daughtry record, I want to make a David Cook record. I feel like I know who I am.”
We know who you are to...a sell out. But you have a beautiful voice so we forgive you.
Jun. 12, 2008
IF YOU CAN'T BEAT EM...
American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks showed his support for the Jonas Brothers outside of ABC studios in New York City yesterday before the Regis & Kelly Show.
This is supposed to be a joke but it's a little sad.
I would've thrown some loose change at him if I was there.
Aug. 27, 2008
DOUBLE YOUR MISERY
The newest American Idol skank, Kara DioGuardi caught up with the rest of the crew in New York City for the first time ever to humiliate potential musicians and their dreams.
“It’s like, you know, having dinner with three people for seven years, and getting quite bored of each other,” Cowell said. “So it’s having a fourth person, new opinion, I think it’s gonna be interesting.”
Interesting? To watch a woman that nobody's ever heard about give her opinion, that nobody cares about, on a show that nobody talks about... Oh yeah that's a mind orgy waiting to happen.
Fuck this bitch, they shoulda got Carrot Top or one of those insult comics from Comedy Central that Roasts bitches to be the 4th judge. How cool would that be?
Aug. 25, 2008
BYE BYE PAULA
After its worst ratings in years, American Idol producers are changing shit once and for all. They are brining in a new judge... that looks a lot like one of the old judges... hmmmmm.
Grammy-winning song writer Kara DiGuardi (37) will be sitting next to Randi "Yo Dawg" Jackson, Paula 'Da Fool' Abdul and Simon Cowballs as the newest judge on the show.
After the Paula's embarrassing fuck up on last season the judges are finally replacing her ass slowly with a younger, more talented and sober woman. Good job producer dudes. Now if we can replace Jackson with Snoop Dog and Cowballs with that guy on America's Got Talent that throws the knives....we'll have ourselves a show.