Lindsay Hohan dressed up for her VISA Swap 2008 Campaign.  She would look pretty hot if she didn't have the legs of a pale prepubescent 10-yr old boy.

         We don't know what a VISA Clothes Swap is exactly, but we're praying that some big black guy, named Leroy, aint out there right now wearing a pair of shit-stained leggings. 

        Hohan and Ronson are still going strong even though PerezHilton EXCLUSIVELY reported that the two are breaking up. Here they are giving each other a warm lezbo embrace at the filming of Hohan's new movie Labor Pains yesterday.

        We think Hohan can do a lot better, lesbowise, than Sammy.  Other than the fact that Ronson is trying to bring back the 80's all by herself she doesn't have anything going for her.  She's ugly...and we're pretty sure she doesn't bathe.

         There was a lesbian douche sighting at Disney Land this weekend.  Lindsay Hohan, her fire crotch licker, Samantha Ronson, her mom and sister, Ali, visited the Magic Kingdom this weekend.  Tourists mistook them for Hoe White and the retarded dwarfs skanky, dildo and dumb ass.

        They had to close the ride afterwards due to crack powder and shit stains.

        Now it's a known fact that most guys would hump anything with a camel toe and a pulse.  But let us transcend that ideal for a minute and dwell deeper into why Lindsay Hohan (21) would dress like a big foot tranny mime.

        Seen walking around on the set of her new B-grade movie, Labor Farts, trying to beat the heat with a joint in her hand.

        What size are her god damn Big Red Shoe Review feet?!?

        Lindsay "Fire Crotch" Hohan (22), and her side kick dike, Samantha "no johnson" Ronson (31) were at the opening of the new Hollywood hotspot The Apple Lounge.  The two were separated for a while due to work and they blogged on their MySpaces that they missed each other.  Awwwwwwwwwwww...*long barf*. 

        You know Fire Crotch gives a new meaning to the term "Flaming Homo".

        Homo activists like GLAAD always wonder why the world can't take gay people seriously and give them respect.  Well here's your answer activist dudes.  Posers like these two flaming retards who pretend to be "in love" (insert harp music) so that they can get paid for cheesy gigs like the opening of a gay club. 

        You better take care of that shit gay peeps, or being gay is gonna get old.  The "in" thing will be like fucking your horse.    They'll call it being "hay" and ya'll will have to change your name to HEFTY.

        "Look at the bitch Hohan....She's totally Hay."

        Ali Lohan is da man.  She knows that while her older twat sis is carpet munching, and her mom is a fucking loon... that someone has to step up and be a REAL woman.  

        Soooo she got some tit implants, had some WD 40 injected into her lips, and BAM ... instant skank.

        And while doing magazine covers, sadly her confused and skanky sister, Lindsay is ...

        ..doing cameo appearances for D-rated sitcoms.  "Give me an 'H'...Give me an 'A'... Give me an 'S, B, E, E, N"...

        It's getting ugly folks.

        Just when you thought Hohan's fire crotch couldn't get any more heated Daddy Hohan lit the spark under her ass that did just that. 

        "He’s out of control. I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love."

         Awwww she lubs lil Sammy 'no Johnson' Ronson... A tear just rolled down my ass cheek.

        Sammy took to her MySpace blog to do her bitchin:

   SHUT THE F*** UP
Current mood: bullied

i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible- i know i am being used, i am just a pawn- easy to sacrifice in order to feed his addiction. I was angry when i first read his attack on me, but- for me- i believe that actions speak louder than words... so now i just pity him- i am not standing in his way- i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter- he is- his need to throw a tantrum for the whole world to hear is- i am not going to go into a play by play defense- i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life- i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him.

p.s. i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living.... i am, always will and always have been here for her for her- not for anything else....so I think it's safe to say that there is not now and never will be a tell all..... written by me..... when does your book come out mr. lohan?    

        I like how she um he...whatever...starts this whole bitch rant with "I really don't want to say anything because I feel like he wins.."  and then goes on to write a fucking Greek tragedy with a "p.s." at the end.  Is this bitch 12? 

        The whole family is a big fucking circus.  Cirque SoGay.

        Word on the street is that Samantha "No Johnson" Ronson (31) is in the makes to write a 'tell all' about her scandalous lesbian affair with Fire Crotch Hohan.  Ooooohhhhh I hope it's a poetry book... A lot of words rhyme with crack. 

        Hohan's e-stranged daddy, Michael Hohan, thinks Ronson is a big meany:

"I've shut up about this long enough.  (I haven't had any attention in a long time) Samantha is using my daughter (only for fame and money, and that's it!...oh and kinky lesbian dildo sex, but that's definitely it!) . People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay (we didn't know who Lindsay was until we met her crotch). She was just some Los Angeles DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at my wit's end (I am running out of drug money) with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest. Let's just say I hope Lindsay starts opening her eyes and realizes who the people using her are. (her mother, her sister, her agent, her friends, her aunt Taloola and I....and now the bitch I'm marrying)”

         We thought he was done bitching, but then he started talking again *SIGH*:

        "Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay (and I know this because I sit under that table on Crotch guard), and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse.  My daughter isn’t working because she’s always with Sam (oh yeah she was Wal-Mart's  employee of the month before Sam came along). Even my ex-wife knows it. She just isn’t doing anything about it. (because it's making her greedy ass rich) ”

        So basically this is an estranged ex-convict dad bitching about her lesbian daughter's love affair with a crack-addicted dike.  Come on man, the book practically writes itself... She's just taking credit for it.